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Change Anything

 

If you are like most people, there are aspects of your life you’d like to change. Welcome to being human! If it was not for our drive to change and improve, our species would not have evolved. So, wanting change is a good thing, although it can leave us feeling inadequate until we master it. Some of us want to change a specific behaviour  (a bad habit such as smoking, not getting enough sleep, not taking enough time for yourself, eating healthier, exercising more). Sound familiar? For example, I have struggled with getting to bed before 10 PM for some time now. If you can do this without a problem, you may think this is a pretty trivial habit to adopt. Easy, peasy – just go to bed earlier! Ta-da! I’ve successfully changed other habits before, but this one is still a nut I’ve yet to crack (consistently).

 

For some, the change that they want to bring about is not so specific at all. It’s much more general – we just want to feel happier, more carefree, have a deeper connection to others, feel less stressed, more balanced or we simply want to worry less. In the process of redesigning my career the past half year, I have found that my old routines don’t work anymore. And as I am adjusting, I am searching for a new way to balance my personal and work life.

 

Have you ever asked yourself, “Is this too much to ask for?”

 

Looking for change does not imply that you are necessarily totally unhappy with your current life. Heck, maybe other people have even expressed that they wish their life was more like yours! And yet, YOU feel unfulfilled with parts of your life. Is it the soulmate, who has eluded you? Struggling with difficult family members? Maybe you have a successful career, but are still not happy? Whatever it is, knowing that it is part of the human condition is not really all that helpful, is it?

 

AGH! What to do?!

 

You want a change, but don’t know where to start. Or how to do it. Maybe you have lots of ideas, but are struggling to implement them? There are never enough hours in your day? Or deep down, you are afraid to succeed? Or you convinced yourself that you don’t have what it takes?

 

STOP – It’s time to change the channel by changing your habits.

 

Oh yes, you heard right. I am calling you OUT! You want something different in your life? Then step into the responsibility you have. Don’t get stuck thinking that life should be different. The only way to influence your life (and your experience of it) comes from you being different.

 

If you get stuck in blaming the circumstances around you, you are giving up your power. Yes, it’s super tempting to do this. Our natural hard-wired default mode is to blame circumstances outside of our control or even the people around us. It sounds something like this “If only ____ (my life, that person, the company, the world) were different, then, I could finally _____ (be happy, feel free, be rich etc).” Again, this is a natural defense mechanism we all have. While its goal is to keep us unaware of the hard truth of our role in our own destiny, the caveat is that it keeps us from waking up to our own reality! And doing something about it.

 

You really can do this.

There is nothing in your way. There never really was.

 

Once you fully step into this way of thinking, you realize what amazing and true potential lies dormant just beneath the surface of your life. Just right there waiting for you. It’s like an untapped underground pool of fresh water beneath the desert you are in. And once you fully grasp that only you are the maker of your destiny, there is no turning back. You will never not want to live your life they way you previously did.

 

Ready to learn how?

 

In last week’s post on cracking the change code, I shared a 5-step (click here to see the previous post) system with you. Reread it if it’s not familiar anymore. As promised, I will elaborate now on step 4: Follow through by creating new habits

 

Changing something in your life (or your life as a whole) relies heavily on substituting old self-defeating habits and replacing them with ones which actually serve you. This step involves consciously setting yourself up for success by adopting positive habits, versus relying on will power alone. Again, self coaching is one of the best ways to create a routine to help you maintain behaviours which work. And by “routine”, I mean a method which works. It does not need to be regimented (unless that is what works for you). It does need to match the way you think and prefer to operate. Otherwise, it will just become another thing on your (long) to-do list. I gather you already have enough items on that?

 

The book Change Anything (Patterson, Grenny, Maxfield, McMillan, & Switzler, 2011) reveals the science behind personal change. It introduces a series of steps which anyone can take to increase the chances for success. Below I listed the key learnings which help my clients and myself stick to new habits. BTW: One of my SELF COACH APPROACH modules dives into this subject matter in more detail and shares how-to’s and practical exercises.

 

  • Redefine normal and create new routines. Create a routine which serves and works for you. One that sets you up for success, leveraging your strengths and counteracting your inner saboteur. Also, create a custom structure or routine to ensure you continue to hold transformational self-coaching conversations with yourself.

 

  • Be aware of crucial moments: Reflect on the “crucial moments” which have derailed you previously. These are situations where you have noticed you are most at risk of falling back into old behaviors. Consider these pitfalls when designing your routine and make a back up plan. To identify these crucial moments (which have the potential to create the greatest temptation), evaluate at which times and places (ex. after work) they tend to occur, around which people (ex. a family member), or when a particular physical or emotional state occurs (ex. boredom or anxiety).

 

  • Understand what your values and strengths are. Leverage them to master dealing with crucial moments

 

  • Create personalized motivation. Pick a personalized statement which you can repeat to yourself to stay on track. For example, What does not break me, makes me stronger. You can also pick a song to do the same (I like the classic Elton John song, I’m still standing).

 

  • Learn from bad days. We all have them, but they still suck. Turn them around by using them to gain insights into your “crucial moments” and default patterns, with the goal of avoiding repeating them again.

 

  • Create your system: Escape the will power trap by creating a system of self-development and self-coaching which works for your lifestyle and the goals you want to achieve

 

  • Reward yourself. And celebrate the wins you achieve, including the small ones (specially the small ones).

 

  • Control and design your space to work for you. This actually refers to the physical world where you spend your time. How your office or home is set up (or any other space you spend significant amounts of time) affects how you feel and behave, so make your space work for – not agains – you. I gave some personal example of this in my last blog post as well. It’s the main reason I like to keep my surroundings organized. If you can’t change your actual surroundings, then connect to a mental picture. For example, imagine you are sitting by the lake from your last vacation during the sun set.

 

  • Visualization (or being present in motivational spaces) is especially helpful when you are doing your inner work. It’s easy to do. Just think of a compelling scene – one from your past or imagined. Remember what it felt like to be there. What the sounds and the smells were. Take a deep breath into that space and let the magic happen.

 

Okay, I realize this was a lot of information. Take another deep breath. Maybe a few.  Don’t fret if some of it felt overwhelming when you first read it. Work through it one step at a time. And, if this really resonates with you and you want more, then put your name on my waitlist for the next Self Coach Approach Mastermind to save a spot (CLICK HERE, there is no obligation). Another option is to book your own personalized training and coaching session with me by CLICKING HERE.

 

Get empower and start believing that you can do whatever you set your mind to!

 

BTW: The Self Coach Approach program shows you exactly how to:

  • Get clear on what you really want
  • Become aware of the obstacles you have (Psst, most are in our heads)
  • Design a well thought through and manageable plan of attack tailored to you
  • Motive yourself and gain momentum

I am here to help. TAKE THE FIRST STEP and REACH OUT TO ME HERE.

 

Only you (and no one else) can truly change your life!

This is great news, because you CAN do it!

 

I know you can.

Namaste,

Simone

***BTW: What is your personal motivation statement and theme song? Please share below. My vision is to be your catalyst to create the life you really want. With no regrets. Also, let me know if this blog inspired you in any way. Unless you leave a comment, I just won’t know. And share this with a friend!

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