Crack the Change Code

Let’s be honest, are you a person who likes change? I mean really like it? Not just tolerate it?

Or are you like many of us who prefer to avoid it? And maybe are even prepared to go through great lengths to keep things the same? Even live a life you don’t really like? Because it is familiar, even predictable and therefore seems “easier”? If we are really honest with ourselves, then many of us would agree that change is not necessarily our FAVORITE thing in the world.

And then some of us claim to LOVE change. Perhaps, because we like variety and change certainly brings that. But even those who love it, still often find it quite unnerving.

You may say, the answer to the question depends on what is changing. For example, happy change is one thing – a new job, graduating from school, an addition to the family, a move to a better home, travelling to a place we want to see.  Although, these all create a lot of upheaval in our lives, we still (mostly 😉) like the idea of it. And embrace it.  BUT if we are really, really honest with ourselves and listen deep inside, those scenarios still scare the pants off us too!

You may also yearn for change when you are unhappy. When you are currently in a place you don’t want to be in. For example, you want to leave an unfulfilling job? Finally find your soulmate? Maybe you feel successful enough, but you are not fulfilled? You know you theoretically want a change, but don’t know where to start and how to do it? Deep down, you may feel afraid to succeed? Or you have convinced yourself that you don’t have what it takes.

What if you knew how to crack the change code?

In other words, you don’t think or worry about it because you have confidence in your ability to cope and navigate change, no matter what. If that sounds enviable, it is.  Not many people are in this space. But many really successful and satisfied people are. And by successful, I mean people who designed and live a life they really want. They cracked the change code and thrive in it, because they use it as an opportunity to positively shift something in their life for the better.  I have tried to do this many times in my life – sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. Check out the “About” section on my website where I share a bit of my personal background and reasons I created The Self Coach Approach.

I am talking about thriving, not only in spite of adversity, but because of it!

Research supports what you might have guessed. Although humans don’t really seek change with open arms, personal self-development and societal change requires it. It is necessary (but not sufficient). So all of this puts us in a bit of a tough spot. We need change. But we struggle with it. We are afraid of it to the point where it renders us passive bystanders of our lives. But without it, nothing can improve. Here another example of this: We want a better life, but hesitate to set goals. We fear it will all be in vain and then we’ll only be more aware of your failures. AGH! No wonder some of us shy away from setting them.

What to do? How do you crack the change code?

     Step 1. Be courageous.

     Step 2. Reframe the change in to something positive and meaningful

     Step 3. Make a plan – create a customized plan which work for the type of person you are

     Step 4. Follow through by creating new habits

The above are some of the skills my self coaching program covers.  Here some more details to get you started:

Step 1: We need to foster our courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it (as quoted by Nelson Mandela) … and the ability to act in spite of it (Archbishop Desmond Tutu). Courage is easier to find when we know ourselves  – our strengths and our limits. From this deep inner knowing, we increase our awareness and trust in our abilities. Then we are less likely to make ourselves crazy trying to anticipate all of the possible outcomes. We trust that all we need to succeed is within us. How would your life look if you faced change more courageously?

Step 2: Reframe the change situation. What might appear as negative change at face value, almost certainly has a silver lining. Somewhere. Usually, this is not apparent at first. One of the best examples I can think of is the story of the Dali Lama. He was forced to leave his home in Tibet at the age of 24 to live in exile ever since. He could have let this tragedy and injustice consume him and make him vengeful or give up. He chose to reframe this horrific life altering change into a life enhancing one. Living in exile allowed him to travel the world and spread his message of compassion and forgiveness to many more people than if he stayed within the confines of the traditional Dali Lama life. What opportunity awaits within the changes you are facing? What is YOUR silver lining?

Step 3: Create a custom plan of action. A plan in which you maximize the unique opportunity that stems from the change you face. A plan which helps you stay connected to your inner optimism and hope. And step away from complacency and overwhelm. The most beneficial personal plans are those which you create, because only you are the expert of yourself. Self coaching is one of the best ways to design such a plan.

Step 4: Substitute old self-defeating habits into ones which serve you. I found the book, Change Anything, very insightful.  It reviews the science behind personal change. I will share an abridged version of some of the key insights I derived from this book in a later blog post (make sure you submit your email on The Self Coach Approach facebook page or my website so you don’t miss it). In the meantime, let me summarize that this last step involves consciously setting yourself up for success by adopting positive habits, versus relying on will power alone. Again, self coaching is one of the best ways to create a routine to help you maintain behaviours which work. And ditch those which don’t.

Are you ready to embrace change and make it your own?

So what if you have been handed lemons! The more lemons, the more lemonade. Only you can decide when you have had enough of your old life or way of dealing with change.  Start capitalizing on change.  Step across an imaginary line in the sand and say “yes” to being the master creator of your life, no matter what comes your way.  And say “no” to listening to self-imposed restrictions and missing out on the opportunities only change can bring.

Namaste,

Simone